Weak ties, serendipity and intentionality - maintaining and making relationships in a pandemic
Editor’s Note: This was originally published in the February 25, 2021, Newsletter.
How has life online changed our networking patterns and possibilities? And what have we lost (or gained) in a year of dispersed work?
This year I realised that I don't miss being with people (except you! Of course, I miss YOU!) but I really miss being around people. While an inherently flawed statement - like all of us, I have experienced periods of deep loneliness during the pandemic - this realization sent me back to reflecting on my values and drivers, and considering the choices I make each day.
I live in Washington, DC, just off Capitol Hill. I chose to move here, in part, to recapture the life I had growing up in Hong Kong. I wanted to walk or take the bus rather than to drive; to experience the history and culture of my city in small bites; and to take neighborhood walks past great architecture and fascinating homes. I can still do many of those things, even in a pandemic. But I can't be around people at the moment. And I'm shocked by how much I miss it.
I am someone who talks to strangers. Whether saying "Hello!" to everyone I pass on the street, or commenting on a painting in a museum... apparently, I am chatty. No one was more surprised to learn this than me! People are so interesting and I am inherently curious. I miss the company of people with whom I have nothing more in common than being in the same place at the same time - we may not even know each other's names, but that brief exchange brought a smile for each of us.
I like going deep, and I am impatient with small talk. Getting intentional about relationship building has been immensely satisfying in the last year. I can count a number of new and highly-valued friends/colleagues with whom I have never spent time in person. The commonality in all of these is a shared set of values (not always a shared set of opinions) and a commitment to stay connected. So, don't get hung up on the losses - see the possibilities for connection and harvest that potential.
The power of (virtual) strangers.
The closer we are to someone the more likely we are to have the same information sources, to have aligned views, and to share the same market knowledge. Distant relationships break the echo chamber effect. Acquaintances can exponentially increase the data available to us, especially because acquaintances are more likely to share information intentionally rather than organically. Dunbar's number (remember that from our last edition?) expands with these outer circles.
We communicate differently with strangers - and it makes us happy! We can have surprisingly intimate and revealing conversations with people we've hardly met. We build community with people when we don't even know their names, and we get to try on different possible versions of ourselves, free from pre-conceptions and judgment.
So how do we do this in a time of primarily virtual contact?
Make the effort. Don't fall into the cheap trap of believing this can't be done online. As Fast Company found, the key to making communication in virtual meetings as effective as communication in-person is paying attention!
Commit to action. If you met an interesting person in a large online meeting or a virtual networking event - follow up. If you see an article that a client or acquaintance might find of interest - reach out and share it. Don't just put it on a list, waiting for the perfect time to craft an email. Dive in - it feels great to be moving forward.
Allow time for serendipity. We're overscheduled in virtual times, with back-to-back meetings and no space for spontaneity. Reclaim your time and allow for surprises. Systems and structure allow us the space for innovation and creativity. This is not bureaucracy (phew!); this is holding a space for bold choices.