Who are you spending time with? - Dunbar's number and moving beyond habits
Editor’s Note: This was originally published in the February 11, 2021 Newsletter.
When was the last time you really thought about your business network? Are you surprised by who you miss - or don't miss - in COVID-times?
Many of you know me as a presenter, trainer, coach, or advisor, so it may surprise you to know I am an introvert. A highly sociable introvert, certainly, but an introvert nonetheless. I love presenting, training, coaching, and advising (yay for having the right job!) but you'd better believe I spend a lot of very quiet time before and after! Without that time alone to recharge, I would be a wreck.
The pandemic has me thinking a lot about socialization, our networks, and relationships. For many of us, these are things we haven't had to think a lot about in the past - we met our own needs fairly organically, either by being alone or by being with others. We operated out of habit. For decades, I went to industry events on Thursday evenings without much thought. We spent time with a mix of people we enjoyed as well as people we were obliged to see. And then the pandemic hit, and we had to become intentional about every interaction with another human.
What better time to think about how - and with whom - we connect? Whether in person or virtually (Zoom fatigue, anyone?), we have seldom been so aware of the choices in where we spend our time and energy. With both serendipity and obligation limited, we have an opportunity to be purposeful. Being thoughtful about connections has brought me business and personal satisfaction, even during a pandemic. I've also been able to gently set aside relationships that no longer served me while investing in others. Our actions exemplify our priorities - what relationships are you making a priority this week?
Networks have limits, and the internet doesn't change that much.
Dunbar's number (148, usually rounded to 150) is widely recognized as the maximum number of stable social relationships one can actively maintain. This is not how many people you can theoretically know - certainly not how many people you can be connected with on LinkedIn! But it is a thought-provoking place from which to consider your active business (and personal) network. The internet, and particularly social media, allows us to think we can increase this number, but there's a difference between knowing people exist and having an active relationship with them. Urban planning has long recognized these constraints and reflected them in the design of communities - all the way back to neolithic times.
If you're thinking "Not me! I maintain hundreds of relationships!" take a look at the analysis tool we've created for you. Don't turn to your address books and directories, instead work from memory to consider the relationships you actually maintain. You may be surprised by what you find!